The last few months have been tough, to say the least. The world has continued to move around me and life continues to happen. There are times I am actively involved in what is happening, and other times I am just standing by, watching as life continues to move. I want to scream! DON’T YOU SEE ME?! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!? HOW DO YOU CONTINUE TO LAUGH, CELEBRATE AND ENJOY LIFE!? I AM HURTING! I AM BROKEN! I DON’T LIKE THIS!!!!
What do you do when the world around you has changed? What do you do when that which you knew is no longer? How do you move forward when you feel a piece of your heart has not just been shattered, but snatched and shattered in front of you? How do you exist and function in a world that you no longer recognize? How do you pick up the shattered and broken pieces and then move forward?
I have said and asked myself (and others) these questions. I would say I am looking for clarity, purpose and focus, but honestly I am looking to not feel the pain, hurt, and emptiness I have been feeling. I am looking for answers to the big question: WHY?! Not just why did this have to happen, but why did it have to happen to ME?
Even as I sit here writing this, I hear the Lord speaking, reminding me what He said to Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NKJV).
The problem (well one of the problems) has been I have been trying to do this on my own. I have been carrying this grief, hurt, sadness, and honestly some anger. It has been a burden, heavy and weighing me down. I cannot move while carrying this load. I am trying to push and pull (at the same time) a Mack truck uphill. How often have we pulled at a push door? It is silly, doesn’t work, and after a few tries, we laugh and try it a different way. Yet we (I) are moving through this place and space in the same manner. I am pulling at a door I need to push. So how do I move forward and find “me” again? What do I need to do if I want to get out of this “place” and back on track again?
Step 1: Stop! First stop what we are doing…after all it is not working, why continue?
Step 2: Recognize and acknowledge where we are. Be honest with ourselves. Be honest with God. Guess what, He can handle it.
Step 3: Not just give everything to Him, but cast it. I Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast all our cares on Him, for He cares for us. See, giving is nice and gentle, casting involves us throwing! Heaving, hurling in a forceful manner! In the words of the Disney song “Let it go!” After all, it is not serving us anyway.
Step 4: Trust God! Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust in God, do not lean in our understanding, acknowledge God in ALL our ways, and He directs our path. I have to admit, I was only acknowledging God in some of my ways. I was not letting Him direct my path. I think partly because I was angry that He did not answer my prayers “my” way. He did not do it the way I wanted Him to do it. It is hard to admit, but part of me was in a place where, if He didn’t do it the way I wanted Him to, how can I trust Him to help me with my pain? Please know this is a trick. Satan wants us bound. Satan does not want us to turn to Christ. In Christ is liberty and freedom. When we are bound and stuck, we cannot move in purpose and in our destiny. When we are stuck, not only do we miss out, but those we are to impact and help miss out. Our voice is needed. We are needed. What we have to say and share matters.
Step 5: Return to the place of prayer, worship, and praise. When we turn back to the Lord, and stay in the place of prayer, worship and praise, regardless of the situation around us, our response to the situation changes. We are changed and different, because we are not operating in our strength, but rather allowing Christ to operate in and through us.
When I stop trying to operate on my own strength, recognize my weakness, and release, He takes over. This can only happen when I release control and hold. I find my place of peace, and center in my prayer, worship and praise. When my focus is on God, and not the situation(s) around me, I feel His peace. As I feel His peace, I am able to move. Step by step. My dad has an expression: “I am moving at snail’s pace. While it may be slow, I never see a snail go backwards.” If we watch a snail move, it may appear to move slowly, but when we look away, then look back, somehow the snail has moved further than we expected. If you feel you are moving like a snail, look away from the situation, and up to the Father. When you look back, you may find you have moved further and faster than you imagined? Why, because we changed our focus!
Sarah
Abiding in His Presence 
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